Don’t understand the point to any of this at all. The point to the past year, the point to me being in the position I’m in now, the point in me feeling the way I do now. This was never supposed to happen again, and I vowed to never let it consume me as it did before yet here it comes again. All the pain from what just one person can do to you. Eating away at me each and everyday. The thought of you sharing something like that with someone else, knowing what I’ve gone through, what I’m doing, and have done for you, and you with no regret take all of it for granted and just willingly throw all of it away. Then spend everyday lying to me about it all. After I put my life on the line for you, sacrificed my family for you, my friends, everything I hold dear simply gone just for you. And you go and pull that on me. Swore it was the last time I would ever deal with the high school drama, with the immaturity, with the impurity, and the lack of respect. You treated me as though I was a complete joke to you, as though I was just there for whenever you get home from doing you. Can’t believe I decided to take you seriously, and honestly believe that you wouldn’t do to me what they have done, but it’s obvious that you were never any different. Definitely can’t believe that I’m still pushing through this pain daily, sitting here taking these thoughts of everything else I don’t know about each and every damn day. Constantly begging myself to stop the pain, and just stop feeling. Constantly forcing myself to believe that none of it is true. At this point I don’t know what true is. I never did. Maybe one day it’ll all go away, maybe one day I won’t be treated like this, but until then you swear you want to work it out, to make it all right, yet you can’t abide to the simple requirements to make it right, you can complain, and swear that I’m the worst thing to ever happen to you, but you can’t put in the effort and sacrifices to make it right. Hope someone can do for you what I have done, and not need this healing, so that you can then truly be happy, sorry that I can’t do that for you….yet i still love you…beyond belief.

Been awhile since I’ve been on here…
well it’s my last weekend in Florida for awhile before I ship out to basic training on Monday. Going to miss everything and everyone…especially her…but I’ll be back soon, and I’ll be all yours again. We’ve gone our whole lives without talking to each other up until a little over 5 months ago, another two months won’t be too bad. Just remember, this is all for us, all for you, everything I do is. I love you Sonya. 

Finally got my ship date, August 14th. Working Aircraft Electric and Environmental Systems (E&E). Overall, pretty excited!

Just wish she was happy for me, I’m not only doing this for myself, I want this for us, it’ll make everything easier, and stable. I know some sacrifices have to be made, but it doesn’t mean I’m not going to go, maybe I will, I’m trying to see a way around this, trying to make things worse, don’t lose faith in me…